Last Breath – June 18th, 2014 9:02 pm

June 18th, 2014 9:02 pm

The day you allow others to stand in your way is the day you allow yourself to fall. You must prevail to your last breath. Failure is not an option. – Michael Kilby.

Failure is an option.
For me.
I will not settle for something less than myself.
I will allow others to stand in my way.
I don’t have enough oxygen to spare to tell the world to leave me alone.
I want to fall
fall tragically to my death and awake against the feather wing of my motherly guardian angel.
I must not prevail.
I am already taking my last breath.
I only have one thing to say:
This.is.what.I.wanted.Thank.You.
It’s more than one word.
It’s seven important words that mean a lot to me.

You cannot separate me from my joy. It may not be your joy.
But it sure is mine.
The only thing that will make me happy will be the cold dirt that is thrown on top of my blue chilled face atop with red roses to symbolize my cold blood.
I do not need your oxygen to save my last breath.
Just let me go in peace.
Do not waste something that is so precious to you on someone as petty like me.
Take your oxygen and go; run wild and free.
I’ll blow my last breath to you while
hanging from this tree.

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37 thoughts on “Last Breath – June 18th, 2014 9:02 pm”

  1. you stopped in at my
    Little blog today and I Thankyou. I admit your post here frightens me, only because I have a real understanding of the emotion, pain and exhaustion your words are exposing. I am praying that someone does stand in your way, shows you how much they care and how worth while you are. I hope you do feel the feathery comfort of you guardian angels wings, but not as she ushers you into the next life, but heals you in this one. ((Hugs))

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hi Trinity,

      Thank you for the comment! I am sorry my post frighten you but it makes me feel better to know that someone understands me. I am still waiting for my guardian angel to heal me. I know it will not happen over night but I am taking it one day at a time. 🙂

      -Phoenix42013

      Liked by 2 people

      1. There are many of us that understand out here in the world with you, all working step by step to take in each new breath at times. The rawness and honesty of your writing gives us all a hope in the shadows that we are understood and not alone! Keep writing, keep breathing, keep searching… Carry on brave soldier.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. There are many of us that understand out here in the world with you, all working step by step to take in each new breath at times. The rawness and honesty of your writing gives us all a hope in the shadows that we are understood and not alone! Keep writing, keep breathing, keep searching… Carry on brave soldier.

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  2. You need to see the beauty within you. I know my words don’t do it for you but I see the goodness in you. See it in yourself… Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Look how far you have risen… I see it in your words… Look back and read your words.. Despair, anger, unhappiness, crying jags… I want you to be whole not shattered. No one deserves that.. You certainly don’t….

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Praying you may know the value that Jesus places on your life- He died in your place and then rose again, conquering death and giving us hope that we can start again. “If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come”. You may like to read “To Lachlan” and “In Loving Memory (Of Lachlan)” as well as “Melancholy Anthems” and “You” on http://humbleheartscribbles.WordPress.com.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I’ve had times dark and dreary, too. What helped me was faith in God, journaling, and bits of Sunshine of Sunshine from others in my life. When I was ready, I asked for professional and medical help, too. I am wishing you well in your rebirth.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi, thank you for following Compassionate Love. Your poem is rich with what only those who have walked there can know. I hope you choose to stay alive no matter how you feel, because your value cannot be defined by your emotions. You are inherently priceless. – Nancy

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Chillingly beautiful. I have often fantasized about death; about peace, and about that eternal quiet. But something keeps pulling me back. I hope you find that thing that will pull you back 🙂

    Death will come to us all, sooner or later. It will definitely come, the only choice we have is whether to speed up the waiting.

    I do hope that you are feeling true to yourself today. I’m always a weblink away if you want to share poetry etc.

    MsMerlot

    Liked by 1 person

  7. There have been a couple times in my life when I did not want to live anymore. During those times I had no idea what wonderful and intriguing things waited for me in life. The journey has had it’s ups and downs, but I’m thankful for it all because it has made me who I am. I like what Willow wrote about your guardian angel putting her arms around you. I have felt that. I might not always have time to read your posts, but I am thankful for being able to read a few tonight. There is richness in your writing that speaks clearly of overcoming. Blessings to you in life, Phoenix.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This poem is very personal to me. When I was 15 years old we were told that my Aunt Mary had died. I was old enough to ask how and told never mind, only to find out later that she had hung herself. I was not aware that she suffered any illness but much later found out that she could not forgive herself for something she had done in her life. It made me feel bad for her that she could not show herself the mercy that she needed and deserved. There is one thing that I have always had consistent in my prayers and that is for God to help me to be more loving and forgiving to myself as well as others. When people are hard others, they are usually hard on themselves. I used to romanticize death when I was young, but after just losing my only sister to an aggressive form of cancer, I know that none of us have very long here and the very least we owe ourselves is to see what happy surprises are in store for us while we get the chance to. God bless!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Wow. I didn’t know what to say at first after reading this. But I do understand that it comes from a place of raw pain.

    But life isn’t all bad. There is love, and true joy and healing from the pain.
    And please, if you ever get to a place where you contemplate suicide, don’t. You have way too much to offer to the world through your gift and your heart to afford to take the coward’s way out.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Death used to scare me, but it doesn’t anymore. I’ve found that if I can relax and ask for guidance my Spirit Guide(s) will pull me through. I pray to God for patience and understanding to help me get through even a minute or second of the day. I know that you’re someone special. That your writings were meant for me to read. I thank you for writing things that I have a hard time saying.-Cica

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Cica thank you for taking the time to read this entry and comment. It really means a lot to me. I agree with your first comment about how death used to scared me too and now it does not. Thank you for believing in me and for your kind words. Sending positive vibes your way – Phoenix.

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  11. First, of all I echo what others are saying. I truly understand the dark place from which you wrote this post. I was there once, too. I’m so glad I prevailed because life has been turned out wonderful. I hope you find a way to deal with your depression because you absolutely can beat it.

    God bless.
    Thank you for dropping by my blog and for the “follow”. I hope you check out my archival material. I’ve written a great deal about depression from a research point of view and from personal experience. God bless.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Thank you for stopping at my blog today. Your poem is deep with emotion and I have been there. I hope for you that you find the one thing that will bring you your joy. One day…one hour…one minute at a time, whatever it takes!

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  13. That picture of the rising phoenix is just awesome, I think it says a lot about transformation and overcoming adversity. Also, my recent poem I posted I wrote over 10 years ago and I just appreciate for its artistic value, even though its sad in nature. Since then, I have transformed too and have found more peace and happiness seeking God and removing the things that may separate me from him. I am actually reading the book of Joshua at his vary moment and God repeatedly keeps telling Joshua to be strong and courageous in Joshua 1:9 God tells Joshua: “Haven’t I commanded you: Be Strong and Courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” So do not be afraid, discouraged, instead be strong and courageous. Also, Jeremiah 29:11 God says “For I know the plans I have for you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” so put God first and rebuke and sad or hopeless thought that is spoken to you, because it is a lie. These are Gods words of encouragement and his promises last forever and are never broken. I do believe in coincidence too much, and you liked my page the vary time i was reading my bible, I think those verses were meant for you. With God you wont need to take your last breath, because you can take your first breath instead 🙂

    Thanks for following me,

    Thomas

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    1. Hi Thomas wow I am speechless, thank you for sharing words of wisdom, hope, peace, and encouragement in your comment. I really do appreciate it and can say that yes on this journey to recovery I am taking my first breath. Sending positive vibes your way – Phoenix

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  14. Your poem is beautiful and lovely and romantic. But death is not lovely, it is not kind, it is very ugly and jagged, and even when you do something like taking a bunch of sleeping pills, it hurts a heck of a lot, and a lot of times you have time enough to regret the actions you took while realizing that yes, you did something incredibly stupid and impulsive and now, if you can’t drag yourself across the room to dial 9-1-1 you may even lose your life for it, and the people that love you are going to find you in your spittle froth and effluence, if you don’t throw up or choke on your own vomit first.

    I think we, as a society make death too easy and inviting. It knows no dignity in the end and the longer you can make it here on the planet, the longer your loved ones will have memories of you and and be happier and healthier. Everyplace is uglier when you are dying and it is a really cold place to be. Not to mention that if you botch it, like over 80 to 90% probably do, you run the risk of permanent damage to yourself after the attempt and having to live with physical limitations that make your life seem even more untenable.

    Liked by 1 person

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