Walking in Her Shadow

July 8th, 2014  4:38 AM

I am walking in her shadow.
Trotting in her place.
O, the things I would do just to see her face.
To be in her space,
And take her place,
So she can be righteous
And absolute again.

As I begin to fathom,
The scar she barred
Upon my soul,
I have a hole.
I am not whole.
This is why I am so cold.
I scolded life,
I cursed life,
In hopes of it not to be her life.
To watch her one day be a wife,
And see her fight
With all her might,
To be
The free in freedom;
The happy in happiness;
The sun in a sunflower.

She was my rock,
And did not mock,
The sock I wore to camouflage my scars.
O, the things I would do just to be in her shoes.
To gallop through the boroughs of life,
And climb the mountains to see the light;

To watch the sun set and rise again.
To be in her voice of reason
And hear her speak this season.

O, yes!
To be in her battle
And be her aid to fight the treason,
To cease the rejection cast upon her beliefs;
To be at ease in her pain and suffering.
I beseech the One who removed her from this Earth,
And left me here to decay in her shadow.

I am standing in her shadow,
Sobbing in her shadow,

I am hiding in her shadow,
To abide by her shadow;
To gain prosperity
And longevity
To walk forever in her shadow.

I woke up at 4:30 AM this morning in tears. My heart was weak from thinking of her once again. I wrote this poem in memory of my best friend, Emily, who stood up for mental illness awareness. She helped me during my teenage and early adult years with my self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and depression.  I am so blessed and thankful to call her my friend. I supported her and listened to her rants about life and her illness as well. She will always and forever have a special place in my heart. She is the reason I decided to speak out about my mental illness. I’ve always wanted to raise mental illness awareness, but just did not know how, when, and where. I wish she was here to see this wonderful blog I created to share my story  and the movement I am about to begin this Fall.




15 thoughts on “Walking in Her Shadow”

  1. The heartbreak is so raw in this poem. I am so sorry for your loss. I would like to think she would’ve loved your passion in this poem. I certainly do.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You were blessed to come in contact with her. She entered your life for a reason.. Kelli… You are blessed. Have compassion on yourself…peace be unto us all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know the feeling with this line. “The sock I wore to camouflage my scars.”

    Just wanted you to know that you touched my life in a positive way today. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

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