The Crimson Corsage

July 24, 2014  11:49 AM

My Grandfather’s clock strikes at midnight.
I sit impatiently on my Grandmother’s couch
To wait for the feverish knock
Of the late evening.
My Mother’s clock coo coo’s
Five minutes past darkness.
My head turns and face
My Father’s oak based door
Where I hear the knock.
I sit upright and squeeze
Tightly into my Great Grandmother’s evening gown
To stand
In hopes to meet my most prized-possession across
My Uncle’s handmade wooded tile-like floor.
My frozen heart
Melts to the
Desiccated ticking
Of my Aunt’s clock
Tucked away in the infamous attic.
It liquidates
The chills that course through my spine as
I sashay across the midnight floor
To face my Father’s oak based homely door.
I affix my Sister’s French made bow
To my black kinky soul-less hair.
I open my Father’s oak based door
To meet the lifeless eyes of
The Grim Reaper, my Fiance to be.
He uses his
Bony index finger to push his Brother’s black top hat
To the right side of his skull-y head.
Our eyes meet at one.
He presents to me
An ivory based color corsage.
I extend my lifeless right arm
Towards his pale flushed hand.
He gently places the ivory corsage
Upon my cold chubby blue wrist.
He leans toward my virgin salmon colored lips
For a candid one minute long kiss.
A green thorny vine emerges in the mist
From my ivory corsage and pushes my fiance away in a bliss.
It slaps me against my Father’s oak based door.
The vine searches my body
And finds the spot of the source.
It hisses at me
And dives into my chilled chest
To haul out
My soulful heart.
It takes my precious beating loving heart
And places it into the empty chest cavity
Of my Fiance
Who smiles devilishly across the room at me
With his enticing promising beady little eyes.
My cold-blooded chest
Pours a pint of ruby-red blood down my lifeless body.
It flows like the river where my Great Grandfather took me
As a little girl to fish for Sunday’s supper.
It drips and falls nonchalantly down my right arm
And makes connect with the ivory based color corsage.
My blood stains the ivory corsage and turns it
Into a crimson based color.
My puny eyes watch as the prideful ivory corsage
Transforms into a dreadful crimson corsage
Which slowly sucks the meaningless life out of me.

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15 thoughts on “The Crimson Corsage”

  1. Absolutely chilling.
    The most bone-chilling line:
    “,,, Which slowly sucks the meaningless life out of me.
    It’s not the vision, not the mental image it creates.
    What is most disturbing is that you seem to view your life as …
    “meaningless”?
    It is far from that.
    You can start by thinking of all the people you help and inspire through your sharing here.
    A kind, gentle, understanding, empathetic, beautiful soul is never without meaning.

    Harris

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You liked my post today. And started following my blog. I don’t post much about being bipolar, mainly because it doesn’t cause a lot of upset in my life anymore. But I’m here for my fellow Bipolar, and depression people.
    I just popped over here to get to know you a little.
    I just read your last 3 posts, and your Home page.
    No I don’t know you yet, but you have a lot in you. You are so conflicted. You feel the dark hand reaching for you, but you have the light in you…I can hear it! You want to bring awareness of mental illness out there, to let others know we are here and we aren’t to be feared…heck we are right here and often you don’t even know you are talking to us…we may even be you…

    You mentioned being around positive people. That was a hard thing for me. When I was hospitalized, I got out and suddenly I realized the people who I thought loved me so much and were supporting me were the very people who were pulling me down. they were “there” for me, yes. But the things they said, were double edged. they wanted me co-dependent. They didn’t want me to really get better, because then I might see their flaws. I had to get rid of almost all of them….actually all of them, some I’ve let back in my life, because they left the group behind…but they were toxic. I also realized, a lot of my family were toxic. I took in a stack of emails to my therapist to and from my sister and asked her to look at them. she came back to me and said, “your sister has issues and they aren’t yours.” I asked…do you think I should break of communication with her. and my therapist told me she couldn’t make that decision for me, but if I was asking it, that should tell me something. It did. and I did. I’ve let her back in now…after 10 years. only because my father is getting very old and you know…but life was much easier without her in it.

    My point….it’s very hard to break ties. But you often need to burn some bridges….I did a painting of it at the time. I burned the bridges and started a new life. I was alone some. I had few friends, but I cultivated them, and I trusted them. I made sure I was in a healthy place.
    Now I’ve been mostly stable for many years. I do have some times when the meds just stop working and we have to tweak things. But for the most part. things are good.

    Cultivate a good core group who know to check on you. I’ll check on you. But you have to be willing to have a good group on line too. You can have some wonderful relationships through this medium. I have some great friends here. I lost many friends when I got sick. Many who I thought would see me though it. But funny, they could handle my mental illness and couldn’t handle my chronic physical illness..or my losing my hearing (that was a biggie). So I’ve started all over again.

    One thing that has really helped me with depression and my mood disorders. is Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. Just Google it and look into it if you are at all interested. You can look at the books. You will probably think meditation, but yes and no. All I can say is, I made it work for me, and I cannot meditate in the normal way due to chronic pain. But it has really worked for me in a number of ways. I saw my psych doc recently and she said she’s never seen me so hopeful. And I told her something about someone who reached out to me on my blog..about my illness and my response…she said, “you really are getting a lot out of mindfulness.” she is also reducing my medication. and my therapist told me to call her when I needed her.
    I will, soon, this move has been hell! I’ve had 2 major breakdowns, but I think they were normal….just a little bit over the top. But what can I say, I’m always a bit over the top! I’m bipolar! ha!

    I may have overstepped myself…as I said, I don’t really know you…but I wanted to just share a little about how I had to do some things.
    and if you ever want to talk, I’m here. look on my about page if you want to email me. I’m open!
    and I care. Really. I’m a bit Buddhist, that’s what we do. (not why I suggest Mindfulness studies. I don’t really know if I should call myself Buddhist, I study Buddhism, and feel more connected to it, but I’m not official, and hate to be labeled.) I’m complicated…yes, I’m bipolar of course I’m complicated!

    Remember your promise.
    When ever I get to the point of suicide I keep thinking…this will pass. It’s part of being bipolar. I will get to the point where I won’t be suicidal I know I will. It’s damn hard to know it..but I do. It will pass. and it’s the joy of believing like a Buddhist. I know this will change. the only things I can rely on to be absolutely true…things change!
    Remember…it will change.

    wendy….sorry about the extra long comment…just think I’m commenting on 4 post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No need to apologize for the long post I love and enjoy reading long comments hence why I love to write long and drawn out poetry. (Of course that has nothing to do with your comment) Anywho thank you so much for taking the time to read and look through my blog. I really appreciate your feedback and advice. You said a ton of wonderful statements above and I will remember to keep my promise.
      Sending all my love and positive vibes your way -Phoenix

      Like

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