Tag Archives: doubters

National Suicide Prevention Week: Part I

September 8, 2014  1:50 PM

I light a candle in honor of those who sought suicide as an option to answer their problems.

I light a candle to burn the ashes of stigma associated with suicide and mental illness.

I light a candle to shed light on the taboo topic we all know as suicide.

I light a candle to forgive myself for attempting suicide four times in the past eight years.

I light a candle to shine bright in the midst of the dark cloud hovering above the silent ones.

I light a candle for the family members and friends who have lost a loved one to suicide.

I light a candle in hopes to raise mental health awareness and suicide prevention across the world.


To kick off National Suicide Prevention Week, this past weekend I did a photo-shoot to showcase my mental illness to raise awareness in my local community.  In honor of my friend who took her own life on March 26, I centered the theme of my photo-shoot around one of her favorites quote, “What I Dream of is an art of Balance…” –Henri Matisse. 

Several of my friends have questioned why am I so determined to raise mental health awareness and suicide prevention.  In all honesty, I personally can relate to mental health and suicide.  I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and Borderline personality disorder and it is hard for others to understand why I act, feel, think, and do what I do on a daily basis. The only way I can connect to my friends and friend is to share my story and talk about mental health/suicide prevention.

My goal is raise mental health awareness and suicide prevention to one day help encourage others to speak out about their emotions and thoughts before resulting to suicide or self-harm.  My passion is to be the voice for the silent sufferers to show them that it is okay to talk and encourage them that they are never alone.

Please enjoy the following pictures from my mental health awareness photo-shoot. Wednesday September 10th, 2014 is National Suicide Prevention Day across the globe. I created a video to promote Suicide Prevention which will be posted Wednesday!

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If you or a loved one are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm please know that there is help and there is hope. Please reach out and seek appropriate help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline number 1-800-273-8255. Know that you are not alone and that your are loved.

~Phoenix

My Broken Reflection

July 16th, 2014  8:15 AM

As I stand on my two weak feet
To look in the 22” by 33” mirror reflected in front of me
I see
A hole in my heart,
A shattered knee,
A missing kidney,
A broken rib cage,
An empty stomach,
A dry bladder.

My brain is hollow and desolated;
My intelligence, memory and thoughts have deserted me,
They did not want anything to do with me.
I use my  two parched hands to crack the coronal suture of my head
To gently remove my shriveled up brain.
In the process I crack the frontal bone to shut my sinuses down.
I cup the brain in my two hands;
Here in my hands I hold the key to my youth:
The key to my everlasting fountain of life.
I place the withered and expired brain in my right hand.
I raise my right hand above my dysfunctional head and toss the brain into the steadfast mirror in front of me.
There,
My brain and reflection become one.
It hits the middle of the mirror causing it to crack in all directions.

To the ones who turned their backs on me: thank you for crack number ONE;

To the ones who told me I am no longer worth the wait: thank you for crack number TWO;

To the ones who mocked me during my deepest darkest moments: thank you for crack THREE, FOUR, and FIVE.

To the ones who left me to rot and vegetate in my own illness because they were not up to the challenge to support me: thank you for crack number SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, and TEN.

I stand on my two feeble feet
And listen to the harmonious cracks playing in the peaceful wind;
I look in the 22” by 33” mirror reflected in front of me
Where I stand to see my broken reflection.

Recovery.

June 12, 2014 12:08 am

Recovery

please recover me

the lost file that has been deleted from my life.

Restore the joy that once enclosed the smile behind

this lonesome grin.

Erase the blemishes that show

the scars of my past

and backspace the new marks

that I created during the midst of the dark.

Shift all the doubters out from my life.

Control alt delete the negative thoughts that weave in and out through my head.

Help me find myself again

by first

recovering

what it was I used to love the most:

my life.