Tag Archives: happiness

You’re The One

August 31, 2014  12:17 PM

At evening’s dusk
I channel my inner must
To wish upon the present moon
To send me my future cocoon.

Already wrapped in my skins galore,
I know that forever more
That inside lies my charming everlasting companion.

Secretly he does not know
That the silk that intertwines around our love
Is broken, vandalized, and mutilated;
By the words from my past,
The actions of the present,
And the worries for tomorrow.

His victorious voice
Breaks the immaculate walls
Of my protective future for my prosperous life.

The scars reappear on my upper wrist
From the inner pain I once concealed
Of the kindle emotions
I hid despite our outward attraction towards one another.

You’re the one who gives me hope;
You’re the one I had a reason to spoke.
You’re the one who causes my scars to fade away;
You’re the one I want to be with all day.
You’re the one who makes me find a way
To live this life everyday.
You’re the one I do not want to leave this Earth for;
You’re the one I want to stay around with forever more.
You’re the one who erases my choice to take my life;
You’re the one I thank for being in this rocky life.

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Home, At Last.

August 23, 2014  6:48 PM

Jumping the broom;
Entering a new segment.
Lifting my mind, body, and soul across the current threshold.
Leaving all my worries, doubts, and pain behind,
Putting my solicitous meager heart on the line.
Forgetting all the consequences that may come my merry way,
Still needing to say, “Where is my place in this illustrious World?”
Can I please just take a minute to hurl?
Stopping to take a second to reflect on the World;
And thanking the ones who brought me through the whirlwind.
Who stopped my head from continuously spinning
And put a halt to my inner madness.
I am glad the sunshine appeared through my darkness
And washed the rain away from my pale eyes.
To scatter the pain into the deep blue thin air
And watch as the rainbow shine in the midst of my silhouette shadow.
To feel the cool sea breeze brush against my winter face
I can feel my surrounding oasis embrace;
Tugging and hugging and reeling me in.
I love this feeling;
I adore this feeling.
I will abide by this feeling;
This sentiment is equivalent to home.
I am home, at last.

Happiness at My Funeral.

August 9, 2014  8:47 AM

Enter two by two into my Great Grandfather’s Christian Cathedral.
Greet one another with a solemn tear and a hearty hug.
Point your nose upward toward the altar and greet me with a silhouette smile.
Sit and hold hands with my cohort to feel my everlasting presence pump through your living veins.
Listen to the immaculate words of the Priest as he presents the celebration of my life.
Hear the blithe story of my life and watch as I rebirth through song, laughter, and dance.
Reminisce on the fountain days of my youth and squeeze the palm of your neighbor’s hand to reassure them I am still with you.
Wipe the tears from your eyes to see the World clearer now than ever before.
Walk the Earth that appeared so cold and blue to me and turn the cold to shame;
Warm the grounds with your robust feet and whisper prosperity to the wind to comfort my lost soul.
The ones that cared the most for my imperfect mind, body, and soul will stay behind the mass
To find the courage and passion to comfort the ones who have fallen to their knees by my coffin.
Use your inner strength and happiness to raise them to their feet and wipe the tears flowing from their feeble eyes.
Face my coffin with them in your arms, close your eyes, and listen for my faint voice in the distance.
Hear my final declaration,

“You are loved by me.
Today, tomorrow, and forever.
Please do not cry.
I am still here
And will be with you
Right by your side
To witness your future endeavors.
I want happiness at my funeral.
Be happy despite the fact
I am not with you.
Go forth and do good.
I promise you will
Prosper and grow.”

Leave the Christian Cathedral arm in arm with someone new you have never met before.
Account for this persons well-being from now until infinity.
Greet and hug my family as you exit.
Exchange a condolence or two with my parents and address how much of an impact I had on your life
To reassure them it was not their fault for my wrongdoing.
Grab the petals of my life;
Let them go;
Watch as they mass together to form the rare completion of what used to be my broken heart.
I am at last happy and at peace.

Today, I Overdosed.

August 2nd, 2014  8:09 PM

Today, I overdosed;
Made the courageous righteous decision to die
Of laughter, pain, fear, and sorrow.

Today, I overdosed;
As I watched the love of my life
Walk out and abandoned me on the front steps for another woman;
For someone more “appealing”, “long-standing”, “sensible”, and “happier” than I am.
There I was,
Out on a short limb stranded alone to die.
So I cried;
A tear for each friend I miraculously used my two bloody hands to push away;
A tear for the vigorous hearts I stepped upon and broke perfectly into two whole pieces.

Today, I overdosed;
As I tried to use my two feeble hands to pull the 6 inch knife out from my brawny back.
The knife you used to stab me in the back.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I was locked in a white room strapped to a musty hospital bed for 8 whole days with no one there to hold my hand.
I laid there for 8 whole days waiting patiently to hear that I’ve received a phone call from a loved one saying, “I love you”.
But, no.
I lifelessly hopelessly laid there.

Today, I overdosed;
Because my own flesh and blood want nothing more to do with me;
They cannot stand the naked sight of being related to
A maniac.
A psychotic, crazy Homo Sapien like me.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I slit my wrist 12 times for the pain each person has caused me in the last 12 hours.
I stained my warm blood on the cold ice presented to me.
There I sat and watched my contagious acute blood melt the living life out of something so glossy, solid, and frozen.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I was told
I am like a broken toy that cannot be fixed.
I am not worth replacing batteries for;
I am not worth another cent from a loved one’s wealthy pocket.

Today, I overdosed;
I received a call from my local bank saying I have $5.18 to my Golden name.
I am homeless.
I have no green cash to spend on clothes, food, or water.
Nobody wants to let this lost soul in
So, I decided to overdose.

Today, I overdosed;
I failed to call for help during
My manic, hypo-manic, depressive episode.
I tried to call, but there was no number to dial.
So, I decided to overdose.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I pulled the last straw of hope
From a gigantic bundle presented to me
After my most recent discharge from the hospital.
It split in half and fell nonchalantly to the rocky ground.
My hope is gone.
So, I decided to overdose.

I have found my inner happiness
And it is not to be here
Walking through the valley of this shallow Earth.

I have found my joy
And it is not to be here
Singing my painful song to an ignorant sea of sane adults.

I have found my peace
And it is not to be here;
But, it lies 10 feet above my tombstone
Beyond the depths of the bright Northern star.

Today, I overdosed;
To say goodbye to what could have been a happier tomorrow.


The events presented and illustrated above are true experiences of mine. Not all of them are situations I have experienced but I have witnessed and felt. I wrote this for others, like myself, who can relate to the pain, thoughts, feelings and uncontrollable behaviors of various mental illnesses during different episodes. Please, seek help if this post has triggered any sensitive sensors in your life or call the suicide prevention hotline number, 1-800-273-8255.

Take Me Back.

August 1st, 2014  4:02 PM

Take me back,
And let me fall to eternity in your brawny tan arms.
Smile a mile,
And let me chase you into the mid-evening sunset.
Kiss my scars,
And tell me I am beautiful inside and out.
Forgive me,
For the several transient mistakes I made during our long-ago relationship.
Help me,
Acknowledge and recognize our past;
Run with me to get over the approaching hurdles.
Hug me,
To reassure me that my lonesome days are over;
And that you will be there to help me weather the storm.
Call my name,
So I can hear your alluring voice calm my trembling waters.
Sing to me,
The lyrics of our future so I have something to hum about during my darkest moments.
Hold my hand,
And squeeze your courageous spirit into mine.
Touch me,
Check my bubbly pulse and liquidate my chills.
Caress my lifeless body,
And transfer your warmth, love, and seductive soul
To sync our heartbeats to become one.
Take me back,
And tell me that everything is going to be alright;
And that I, too, deserve a happy life with you.