Tag Archives: hopelessness

The 7 Letter Word That Scares The Living Daylights Out of Humans.

September 27, 2014  11:38 PM

Having thoughts of suicide is an under-statement.
Having the urge to take my life is an over-statement.
Telling others that I am suicidal is a selfish-statement.
I am suicidal, this is the accurate-statement.

If I cannot be honest you, then why should I be honest with me?
Here I am sitting in a dark corner
Hovering my life into one quiet shell.
The only light shining in the midst of the room
Is the glow from my cold heart.
Slowing frosting over the blemishes
I want to leave behind due to my depressive manic episodes.

I wrap my life-less hands around my circular body
In hopes to suffocate the inner life
Pumping through my fragile veins.
I touch the scars, the left behind marks
Of the single headed darts which you threw
At my mistakes,
My illness,
My mishaps,
My episodes,
My sensitivity,
My inner shyness,
And
My devoted love for you.

I stand up to rejection
I stand up to instability
I stand up to fear
But, for some odd reason
I just cannot seem to stand up for me.

This world is swallowing my flesh piece by piece.
Inch by inch
Life by life.
I am suicidal, this is my statement.
I’ve lost my battle
I’ve lost the fight
I’m in a constant struggle with thoughts, feelings, and everything in sight
And all I want to do is take action.

Suicide is not so taboo to me anymore
Suicide is my buggaboo who keeps me warm at night.
Yes, I dressed it as a person
I even dressed it up as my lover.
Bear with me and my rapid thoughts
As I shed the true defining light upon
The seven letter that scares the living daylights out of humans:
Suicide.

There Is Still Time!!!

Hello Phoenix Followers!

I am looking to take my mental health awareness advocacy to the next level in hopes to raise awareness not only locally, but internationally. To do so, I would like to mail out ~50 Phoenix Encouragement Cards to my followers to show my love, care, and support during your recovery and mental health journey. There is still time to sign up for a letter from me all the way from the US!

Send me an email at phoenixtherebirth042013@gmail.com with the following:

Name & Address
Short bio about yourself (interest, career, favorite color/song etc. almost anything!)
150-250 words about your mental health story and/or diagnosis (Whatever you are comfortable sharing with me)
Included with the card you will also receive a custom-made wristband bracelet I designed that says: “URLOVED. Speak UP. Speak Out. Save a life” that you can wear to remind yourself that you are always loved.

My goal is to have the letters mailed out by Mid-November. The last day to submit the information above is Friday October 3rd, 2014. If you have any questions about the cards please feel free to contact me directly.

It is my passion to help others and I know there are some out there who do not have a strong support network during difficult times. The purpose of these personalized cards is to give you an extra source of support and encouragement you can always look at during your relapses or downfalls.

Thank you all for your support & I cannot wait to mail out Phoenix Encouragement Cards!

Much love,

Phoenix

Raise mental health awareness. Stop the stigma. Save a life.

Out of the Darkness Walk – October 5th, 2014

Hello Phoenix followers,

As most of you all know, I am a mental health advocate in my local community and nationally through my blog. My decision to become an advocate all started after my friend’s suicide in March and my most recent attempt in May.  The recovery journey has not been easy. However, through this journey I found great strength from my support groups and you all. I made the decision to raise mental health awareness and suicide prevention because if I don’t who will. I want to show others that even though I, too, suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, bipolar tendencies, and Borderline Personality Disorder I do not let my mental illness affect me from moving forward with my life. So, I turn my illness into greatness by becoming an advocate, talking about suicide prevention and mental health to educate others.

Recently, I decided to participate in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention annual Out of the Darkness Walk on October 5th in my local area. This walk raises awareness about depression and suicide, and provide comfort and assistance to those who have lost someone to suicide. I have prayed long and hard about walking in memory of my friend, but also decided to walk for myself; to show others in the crowd that I am an attempted suicide survivor and have found my purpose in this life.

My goal is to raise $150.00 for this important cause and to walk for those who are not with this today. If you would like to help me reach my goal please free to contact me at phoenixtherebirth042013@gmail or donate here at my donation page.

I did not write this post to solicit donations; I want to invite you all on my journey to raise suicide prevention awareness all over the world.  The most important donation you all can give me, yourself, and others around you who are struggling with depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD, etc. is love, encouragement, and infinite support. Know that you are loved, I am loved, we all are loved by somebody and know that there is hope for you and your life.

I am so excited to walk for a great cause and take my mental health awareness to the next step. I do not think I would have the courage to do something like this if it were not for the continuous support and love I receive from you all, my blog followers.

Thank you.

In Serenity,

Phoenix

Raise mental health awareness. Stop the stigma. Save life.

 

The End Is Near.

September 14th, 2014  7:08 PM

Life is an obstacle;
Please, forgive me for making shortcuts.
As a matter of fact,
Please, forgive me for making cuts.
Upon the forearm that my Mother gave me
And the upper thigh from which my Father used to raise me.

Tell me that I am loved;
Scratch that, tell me that I am worth it.
Tell me that my birthright is right
And that I have a place here in your nest.
A room for me to protest
Against the poison
Stated against me
Used against me
Engraved in me.

Save me from the end;
The unexpected climax
Of my treacherous journey.
Let me bury my face
In the pit of your blossom soul
In hopes for my mustard seed faith
To bloom and grow.

The end is near;
Oh, dear please forgive me
For my wrongs and rights.
My dues have been subdued
By the voices of the past.
Correct me if I am wrong
But I know that I can no longer go on.

I am troubled.
Sick and tired of living
In this downright bubble.
Cuddle me righteous;
Cuddle me gracious;
Cover me with serenity
To discourage the forthcoming feeling
That my end is near.

World Suicide Prevention Day 9.10.14

September 10, 2014 12:00 AM

Today, Wednesday September 10th, 2014 marks World Suicide Prevention Day.  Around the world on this day, millions of others like myself not only remember those who took their own lives and sought suicide as their way out, but we come together to raise suicide prevention awareness and work to educate others on the warning signs and risk factors of suicide and mental illness.

Suicide is a major public health problem all around the globe. The psychological pain that leads one to take their life is unimaginable. Their death leaves families and friends in a situation where they do not understand what drove that individual to that point to take their own life. Suicide also has a major ripple effect on communities and it is our duty to bring awareness and help educate others.

Suicide is a taboo topic and NEEDS to be discussed appropriately. I am a proud supporter of suicide prevention because it is something that hits home for me.  Today, I stand strong as an attempted suicide survivor  and a mental health advocate in my local community. I know what it feels like to not only lose someone to suicide, but being the victim as well.  The warning signs and triggers that lead someone to suicide is unpredictable. It is very very VERY hard to try to sympathize and empathize with a suicidal person and you must be willing to put them first during their depressive/manic/suicidal state.

My goal is for others to view suicide like any other medical disease out in the world. Just like HIV/AIDS and cancer, suicide spreads and damages and effects the mind, body, and soul. Suicide is death and death means the permanent ending of a precious life.

It takes one person to change another humans life for the good.

It takes one person to extend a strong hand towards an unstable depressed/manic human to encourage them to extend back.

It only takes me and you to speak up and be the voice for those who are suffering to show and tell them that is alright to speak up.

Now, of course I do not go around telling every single person I meet that I have Major Depressive Disorder (clinical depression), Borderline personality disorder, had self-harm and have attempted suicide +4 times. No! Am I ashamed of it? Not at all. But, I turn my past into change and hope to make a difference in another persons life.  I use my story as a way to connect to others like myself to show them that I too have been through the rain, fire, hail, and wind and now I am walking on rainbows and rays of sunshine turning the negative into positives by trying to educate others on the importance on suicide prevention and mental health. I am very open about my mental health journey because in the process I have grown tremendously through the recovery and some relapses.

It is all about the people who support your life, your existence, and your mental illness and well being. Prior to my attempt, I felt as thought I had nobody who understood me and why I was so depressed or why I wanted to harm or take my own life. But, after my attempt all of those people who I “thought” did not care, cared all along, I was blind to see their love and affection for me. Today, all of those people I ignored, pushed away, and isolated myself from, are now my biggest supporters as I walk through my recovery. Know that there are people out there who really do care. It is going to take an arm and a leg to let them into your life but trust me it is all worth it and in the end you will be so thankful that you opened up to at least 1 trustworthy person.

Please, join me today to raise suicide prevention to help save another life.

If you are having suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide know that you are not alone; know that there is help. But, most certainly know that there is hope. Hope for you, hope for your future, hope for your life.

Visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to read and learn about the warning signs and triggers/risk factors of suicide. There are a ton of resources on the AFSP website on how to talk to a suicidal person and ways that you can be of help. Please, take advantage to learn and know the signs to help save a life.

I created this video to promote World Suicide Prevention Day and to remember my good friend Emily who took her life on March 26th.  Please share with loved ones you know who are suffering with any mental illness and have had thoughts of suicide.

 Tonight I light a candle in memory of my friend and in remembrance of all those who took their lives in 2014.