Tag Archives: love

In All Honesty, I Love You.

July 11, 2014  7:51 PM

This is a follow-up poem to the letter I wrote to a very special someone who has played an instrumental role in my recovery. He is currently away at  his big summer internship up North, but contacts me every now and then. I think he knows about my blog, but not the fact I’ve written about him almost twice now. Anyway, he is very special to me and a great friend. Enjoy! & No, we are not dating!

In all honesty,
I thank you for listening to me
Being there for me
Singing to me
Holding me
And protecting me from the eye the storm;
But I must go.

In all honesty,
I praise you
For the kind words
The cards
The letters
The dates
The mix-tape of my favorite songs
The tattoo on your fair skin;
But I have to go.

In all honesty,
I am in love with you
For you and only you
For your humor
Your affectionate smile
Courageous heart
Contagious laugh;
But it is time for me to go.

In all honesty,
I am here for you
Only you
Because if it were not for you
I do not even think I would be alive.
Thinking of you day and night
Simply adds an extra beat and pep to my miniature step
To continue to walk this ‘every-day’ Earth.

In all honesty,
I want to be with you
Only you
You honestly keep me alive.

So in all honesty,
I thank you
Only you
Because of you
I no longer have the urge to go.


Walking in Her Shadow

July 8th, 2014  4:38 AM

I am walking in her shadow.
Trotting in her place.
O, the things I would do just to see her face.
To be in her space,
And take her place,
So she can be righteous
And absolute again.

As I begin to fathom,
The scar she barred
Upon my soul,
I have a hole.
I am not whole.
This is why I am so cold.
I scolded life,
I cursed life,
In hopes of it not to be her life.
To watch her one day be a wife,
And see her fight
With all her might,
To be
The free in freedom;
The happy in happiness;
The sun in a sunflower.

She was my rock,
And did not mock,
The sock I wore to camouflage my scars.
O, the things I would do just to be in her shoes.
To gallop through the boroughs of life,
And climb the mountains to see the light;

To watch the sun set and rise again.
To be in her voice of reason
And hear her speak this season.

O, yes!
To be in her battle
And be her aid to fight the treason,
To cease the rejection cast upon her beliefs;
To be at ease in her pain and suffering.
I beseech the One who removed her from this Earth,
And left me here to decay in her shadow.

I am standing in her shadow,
Sobbing in her shadow,

I am hiding in her shadow,
To abide by her shadow;
To gain prosperity
And longevity
To walk forever in her shadow.

I woke up at 4:30 AM this morning in tears. My heart was weak from thinking of her once again. I wrote this poem in memory of my best friend, Emily, who stood up for mental illness awareness. She helped me during my teenage and early adult years with my self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and depression.  I am so blessed and thankful to call her my friend. I supported her and listened to her rants about life and her illness as well. She will always and forever have a special place in my heart. She is the reason I decided to speak out about my mental illness. I’ve always wanted to raise mental illness awareness, but just did not know how, when, and where. I wish she was here to see this wonderful blog I created to share my story  and the movement I am about to begin this Fall.