Tag Archives: rebirth

Happiness at My Funeral.

August 9, 2014  8:47 AM

Enter two by two into my Great Grandfather’s Christian Cathedral.
Greet one another with a solemn tear and a hearty hug.
Point your nose upward toward the altar and greet me with a silhouette smile.
Sit and hold hands with my cohort to feel my everlasting presence pump through your living veins.
Listen to the immaculate words of the Priest as he presents the celebration of my life.
Hear the blithe story of my life and watch as I rebirth through song, laughter, and dance.
Reminisce on the fountain days of my youth and squeeze the palm of your neighbor’s hand to reassure them I am still with you.
Wipe the tears from your eyes to see the World clearer now than ever before.
Walk the Earth that appeared so cold and blue to me and turn the cold to shame;
Warm the grounds with your robust feet and whisper prosperity to the wind to comfort my lost soul.
The ones that cared the most for my imperfect mind, body, and soul will stay behind the mass
To find the courage and passion to comfort the ones who have fallen to their knees by my coffin.
Use your inner strength and happiness to raise them to their feet and wipe the tears flowing from their feeble eyes.
Face my coffin with them in your arms, close your eyes, and listen for my faint voice in the distance.
Hear my final declaration,

“You are loved by me.
Today, tomorrow, and forever.
Please do not cry.
I am still here
And will be with you
Right by your side
To witness your future endeavors.
I want happiness at my funeral.
Be happy despite the fact
I am not with you.
Go forth and do good.
I promise you will
Prosper and grow.”

Leave the Christian Cathedral arm in arm with someone new you have never met before.
Account for this persons well-being from now until infinity.
Greet and hug my family as you exit.
Exchange a condolence or two with my parents and address how much of an impact I had on your life
To reassure them it was not their fault for my wrongdoing.
Grab the petals of my life;
Let them go;
Watch as they mass together to form the rare completion of what used to be my broken heart.
I am at last happy and at peace.

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The Soar

July 13th, 2014  11:51 PM

It is time for me
To spread my Motherly wings
And become one
With the Morning sky.

It is time for me
To bid a fond Adieu
To the commodities
That tie me down directly
To this Earth.

It is time for me
To give birth
And give a piece
Of myself to the meandering souls
Who cannot behold
Or find the time
To focus on their life
Which is currently on hold.

It is time for me
To soar.

The day I come in contact
With a Category 5 storm
Or a colossal tree
Standing right in front of me,
I shall and will remain calm;
Open my frail wings
And fly above the halt
In my path.

The day my wings become feeble
And cannot fly through
The eye of the storm,
I shall and will take a rest and heal;
I shall and will not appeal
My emotions and cause a random commotion.
I will tweet my notion
For the nation to hear.

The day my beak cannot sneak a peak
To peck the neck
Of the one who holds the key
To unlock my soul,
I shall and will use my shattered beak
To feed the hungry souls of the meek.

When my two feet cannot find
The true reason to no longer stand
Or the urge to wait for the other birds
To hurry up to beat the approaching storm,
I shall and will be patient;
Seek tranquility to find my inner patience
In the white Cherubic clouds above.

It is time for me
To stop hiding
And come out from under the burrow.
It it time for me
To leave the nest,
Take a rest,
To find my best
When my mind tries to mess
And put me through a troublesome test.

Yes, the nest is my home.
It is because of the nest
I can be on my own.
I am stronger,
Wiser,
And healthier than ever before.
It is because of the nest
My wings now have the precious strength
To rise up and soar;
Above the closed door
Who tells me to count to four
Then shut the door
On the weak;
This time around
I shall and will put a bolt
In the door
In order to be the soar.

I am ready to spread my
Delicate,
Wispy,
Pretty little wings
And soar;
To soar and touch the lives of
The other broken birds
I encounter along the way.
I shall and will not take the soar forever alone.

The One Lovely Blog Award!

What a wonderful weekend! I thank you all for showing me such love by reading my entries and poetry to understand who I am and get a gist of my story. With that being said, I have been nominated for my 3rd award here on WordPress. Thank you to KP writer over at  Somnolent Soul: living life through words, naps, and photographs for the nomination.

lovely-blog-award-1

The One Lovely Blog Award recognizes blogs that are yes, lovely, but I would like to add a little bit more to the description. This award acknowledges bloggers who share their story or thoughts in a beautiful manner to connect with their viewers and followers.

Once again, thank you KP for the nomination and acknowledging how “lovely” my blog is.

The guidelines for the One Lovely Blog Award are:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for the award. Again, a hearty thank you and standing ovation to KP for the nomination.
  • Add the One Lovely Blog Award logo to your post and blog.
  • Share 7 facts/or things about yourself. I shared 7 things about myself in my first award, but there are more interesting facts I to share!
  • Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform nominees by commenting on their blog.

7 Things About Me:

  1. I played the clarinet for 9 years.
  2. My cultural heritage is Jamaican. My family, on both parents side, reside in Jamaica.  So yes I do love ‘mi sum curry mon’.
  3. My first pet was a white bunny rabbit named SnowWhite. I absolutely love and adore rabbits!
  4. I was anorexic at age 13 later on diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and lost 61 lbs in 3 months by starving myself. I now reap the consequences from this decision now at age 21 with some minor health complications.
  5. I have a light birthmark on my chin that kids used to make fun of during my childhood days.
  6. My favorite subjects are mathematics and chemistry, hence why I am an engineering major student. In my spare time I enjoy writing sentences using the Periodic Table elements.
  7. In my spare time, I play online computer games such as Super Mario Bros or Tetris.

Nominations: Presented in no specific order, I find all of your blogs “lovely” and touching. Continue to share your thoughts and stories!

  1. Crazy Alice In Wonderland: …traveling in a mad mind…
  2. AshiAkira’s Blog: who writes tremendous Haiku’s
  3. Purplerays : Spiritual enlightenment and self improvement.
  4. Faceless Mind: Anon’s Story
  5. The Bonny Blog: The Good Blog
  6. Depression Disassembler: Writes about depression, one of my disorders.
  7. Tatsutani : Blogs about depression.
  8. Clearly Confused: Don’t Die Wondering
  9. Never Ask “What If?” 
  10. The Happy Pit Bull: Saving the Pit Bull. Crushing the stereotype. Once dog at a time.
  11. The Way Back: Find the survivor within.
  12. Bipolar Homosexuality: Bipolar is Not Mad & Gay is not a slut- Raise your standards.
  13. Meandering Thoughts : Valerie Stefani
  14. Susie Reece: Who raises suicide prevention awareness, something dear to my heart.
  15. Learning to Live On Purpose: Inspirational advice for women.

Please if you have not checked out the blogs above I highly recommend it!

I am honored and grateful to accept the One Lovely Blog Award.

Again, I thank you all and Somnolent Soul for supporting Phoenix – The Rebirth of My Life and witness as I rise from the burning ashes of my mental illness.

My goal is to:

Raise mental illness awareness. Stop the stigma. Save a life.

Sending positive vibes your way,

Phoenix

 

The Liebster Award!

I am once again honored and forever grateful to have been nominated for The Liebster Award by Tempest Rose  at Nonsense & Shenanigans: Trying to make sense out of the nonsense and shenanigans…but usually achieving the opposite.

liebsterawardThe Liebster Award recognizes new, up and coming  bloggers who have a certain number of followers, ranges from 200 to 3,000. Liebster is German meaning “beloved” “sweetest” “dearest”.  Essentially, I like to view this award as acknowledging some of the “sweetest” bloggers who connect their blogs to their viewers in a welcoming and hearty fashion.

If you wish to accept this award, the following guidelines are below. There is no pressure to accept the award. I find your blog genuine and would like you to know that I value your honesty and content.

The steps for The Liebster Award are as follows:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for the award! A warm, hearty, & standing ovation thank you to Tempest Rose for recognizing the good in my blog!
  • Add The Liebster Award logo to your post and blog.
  • Answer 10 questions provided to you by the person who nominated you.
  • Provide 10 questions of your own for your nominees to answer.
  • Nominate 7 bloggers for the award and notify them.

**These are the general guidelines. With that being said, you do not have to do the full amount to accept the award. You can answer and/or ask only one question,nominate one person, whatever you feel comfortable doing. **

Questions for me to answer by Tempest Rose:

  1. What is one thing about your country that makes you unbelievably proud? – I live in the United States of America and I am proud to have the freedom to speak whatever my heart desires and the right to equal justice. I have several homosexual friends and I am so proud they have the right to get married and be happy here in America.
  2. Why did you start blogging? – I started my blog to raise mental illness awareness, stop the stigma, and save a life. I loss my best friend of 10 years to suicide on March 26th, 2014. She stood up for mental illness as I shied away from my illness. I want to continue her vision by sharing my story and help save a life.
  3. What is your one, ultimate, life-long dream? – My one, ultimate, life-long dream is to establish a scholarship fund in my name to give to young adults and teenagers who battle with mental illness and are afraid to speak out about it. One of the several things I want to do before I “die” i.e. on my bucket list. 

Questions for my Nominees to pick and choose to answer:

  1. If you were stranded on an island and only had 3 things, what would they be?
  2. If you could change one thing about your country, what would it be?
  3. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
  4. If you could try something new today, what would it be?
  5. What is your life mantra?
  6. What is your biggest fear in life?
  7. If you could have dinner with one person (alive or deceased) who would it be and why?
  8. What is one thing you are proud of?
  9. What is the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?
  10. Name a song that describes your life in a nutshell.

My Nominees:

The list below is no particular order. All of the blogs below are very inspiring and I hope they inspire you too. Please check them out and support their story!

  1. Marie Abanga’s Blog: A site about my thrilling life, emotions, and mental illness.
  2. Fit Recovery : Stay Clean Get Fit.
  3. Yeseventhistoowillpas: Share his wisdom and compassion through his writings.
  4. Gleen2point0: Opinions on Life, the Universe, and Mental things.
  5. Somnolent Soul: Living Life through the words, naps, an photographs.
  6. Happilydpressed: An abysmal reality.
  7. Fightwithfitnessblog: Shares her love of fitness in every post.

Again, I thank you all and Tempest Rose for supporting Phoenix – The Rebirth of My Life and witness as I rise from the burning ashes of my mental illness.

My goal is to:

Raise mental illness awareness. Stop the stigma. Save a life.

Sending positive vibes your way,

Phoenix

Very Inspiring Blogger Award!

I am honored and forever grateful to have been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Jim at Fit Recovery: Stay Clean Get Fit. very-inspirational-bloggerHe blogs about his recovery journey through his love of fitness. I published my blog on June 15th, 2014, 10 days after my discharge from the psychiatry hospital. I created my blog to share my recovery story, but also the thoughts, feelings, and daily struggles I have with my mental illness in hopes to inspire others to speak out about theirs as well and show them that it is okay and you are truly not alone. To my viewers and followers a huge thank you for taking the time to read my posts (some more depressing than others) and leaving me wonderful and encouraging comments. Please know that each and every one of you are in my support circle! Again, thank you!

The steps for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award are as follows:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for the award! A warm, hearty, & standing ovation thank you to Jim for recognizing the good in my blog! Words cannot describe how much your comment on your blog means to me!
  • Add the Very Inspiring Blogger Award logo to your post/blog.
  • Share 7 things about yourself with your viewers/followers.
  1. I successfully donated blood for the 1st time at age 20 in November 2013. I’ve always tried to donate blood prior however my hemoglobin levels were too low to qualify. I was always denied prior to that day. I was happy and cried when the nurse said I qualified. Knowing that I could help save a life warmed my heart.
  2. I cannot digest potassium (K). With that being known, I cannot, will not, and do not eat bananas or any banana-like products.
  3. I love buttermilk pancakes with syrup. I can eat a stack of 6 with 1/6th cup of syrup in a total of 2 minutes and 6 seconds with water !
  4. I have a wide variety genre of music on my current playlist from 90s Hip Hop to Pop to Country to Musicals to Disney Soundtracks to Heavy Metal (yes, I love to bob my head to something loud every now and then) to Old School R&B to Electric almost any and everything. I enjoy listening to almost anything that has a great beat, bass, lyrics, and something that speaks to me! Follow me on Twitter to see me tweet random lyrics and now and then!
  5. The late Maya Angelou is my inspiration! I have read her best seller I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings a total of 31 times between the ages of 12 and 20 ( and I will continue to re-read her novel it is my favorite book!). I know her poem Still I Rise word for word and love to recite her poetry when I am feeling down. She has inspired me to write poetry myself. When I was an Out Patient at the hospital my support group called me the ‘young Maya Angelou’.
  6. I can go up to a week (a full 7 days) without talking or speaking to people. I usual use hand gestures and give stares to communicate when this happens but people just think I am being rude and plain ignorant. My family understands me when this happens I have yet to explain to my close friends why this happens.
  7. I am currently planning/working on something big that I plan to do this upcoming Fall Semester when I re-enroll back at my University. I have not told anyone about it yet; I plan to shock everyone when it happens and hope to inspire others in the process. I am excited and nervous to carry out my plan but I am trying to convince myself that in the end it is going to be amazing, inspiring, and beautiful!
  • Nominate a list of bloggers who inspire you. All of my followers and the blogs I follow have truly inspired me since I’ve started my blog. Here are my nominations in no particular order, I’ve also linked their blog links to their names for you all to check them out, follow them, and support their work!

Crazysunshine.me written by Jane e who has Major Depressive Disorder like me and journals about her recovery/experience when MDD entered her life. Her post You Know You’re Having a Mental Day When….resonates with me.

Suicidal Transgirl written by a woman named Allison who suffers with Borderline Personality Disorder like me and journals openly about her struggles and battle with suicidal thoughts and self harm two things that again I can relate too. She speaks honestly about her thoughts and is one of my biggest blog supporters!

Journey in the Woods written by a woman who journals about her struggle with infertility and infant loss, two things I have not experienced but I admire her openness and truly touched by her story. Her entries are from the heart!

If you have not read their posts I encourage you to visit their blogs to get to know what it is like to live with a mental illness I promise, you will NOT be disappointed!

Finally,

  • Inform your nominees by posting a comment on their blog!

Again, I thank you all and Jim for supporting Phoenix – The Rebirth of My Life and witness as I rise from the burning ashes of my mental illness.

My goal is to:

Raise mental illness awareness. Stop the stigma. Save a life.

Sending positive vibes your way,

Phoenix