Tag Archives: serotonin

I Am Human

June 19, 2014 12:54pm

I am still a human being.

The next time I hear someone tell me, “you belong on a leash in a cage with the wild animals in the zoo,” I am going to S C R E A M my brains out. I am not a wild animal. The stigma that is associated with mental illness needs to stop. I am not crazy or psycho and I do not appreciate it when someone calls me a “psycho”. Like who do you think you are? I feel like I am in the 7th grade again when my peers used to call me “ugly” and “fat”.

I do have feelings like everyone else. I still cry while watching The Notebook and flinch during a not so scary horror movie. There may be times I cry for no apparent reason and have no energy to do my daily activities. I may sleep more than the average human and eat less to nothing than the person sitting next to me in the cafeteria, but I am still breathing. I may be extremely happy and outgoing one day then all of a sudden the next day I am the complete opposite and want nothing to do with you. I can be pessimistic and optimistic at the same time.

I am still human though.

I may be too sensitive for you. I process others comments and conversations differently. Basically I take every word to heart and translate everything you say to me into a depressed monologue. You can say “I love you” and I hear “I hate you. You are the scum between my toes. You mean nothing to me. You are so useless I have no idea why you are even in my life.” Harsh right? But that is how I think. You tell me “We missed you…” and I think/hear “Oh no you did not. Everything was much better without you there. Everything went smoothly without you. You weren’t there? I did not even notice.” Harsh? Yes. Again, that is how I process comments. Scratch that. That is how my brain process comments. I have a chemically imbalanced brain. What the heck does that mean? Well, my serotonin level compared to a “normal functioning brain” is much much MUCH lower.

Yes, I am still human. I am not a cat.

My serotonin levels may not be normal but that’s why I take medications. My meds help raise the serotonin levels in my brain. So I can be normal like you. Even with my medications I still have my moments. Please bear with me. I am not going to be 100% brand new. I can pretend to be 100% since yes I do love to pretend to be normal but in reality sorry not happening.

┬áPeople like me who have a mental illness NEVER want to speak about the illness to our friends, family, and loved ones. It’s like the hands off topic. Why? Because chances are they are going ask a million and one questions, will not understand and be very judgmental. This is why I love support groups because they do the complete opposite of all the traits listed above. People in support groups, listen. They laugh and clap at the most depressing comment that comes out of my mouth because they can relate. I do not expect you to conform and pretend to relate. No, don’t do that. Just act normal around us. But now I am comfortable with my diagnosis and want to talk about it. I want to share how I feel, what I feel, and why I feel. Do not ask me “Where did you get this illness from?” Please DO NOT ask me that. It’s not a disease. I did not “catch” it from someone. Just relax. Remain calm, cool, and collected. Trust me, I don’t bite. I may snap but I do not bite.

I’m still human.

What better way to end this post with Christina Perri’s human. One of my favorites. Check it out here!