Tag Archives: support

The Beautiful Blogger Award!

I am humbled and forever grateful to have been nominated for The Beautiful Blogger Award by Writer X at Thoughts from a spare room.

wpid-wp-1403788444545

The Beautiful Blogger Award recognizes bloggers who connect with their readers in a beautiful style and manner. From personal poetry to short stories, every blogger has a unique manifestation on how they want to connect their words to their viewers.

If you wish to accept this award, the following guidelines are below. There is no pressure to accept the award. I find your blog tremendously beautiful in story and in style.

The steps for The Beautiful Blogger Award are as follows:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for the award! A warm, hearty, & standing ovation thank you to Writer X for recognizing how “beautiful” my blog is!
  • Add The Beautiful Blogger Award logo to your post and blog.
  • Nominate 7 beautiful bloggers and say a little something about why you love their blog.
  • Notify the nominees by commenting on their blog

My Nominees:

The list below is no particular order. All of the blogs below are very inspiring and I hope they inspire you too. Please check them out and support their story!

  1. insightintothemindd – A young woman blogger who I can relate to not only in age but in words as well. She supports my mental health awareness journey and blogs about mental health stigma something that is dear and near to my heart. I love your inspiration.
  2. Dog Dharma’s Blog – Written by a human who blogs about their enlightenment and connect with dogs and their trials and adventures. I love this writers honesty.
  3. Living Your Wholefullness – I enjoy reading the wonderful and beautiful poetry by Shery Alexander Heinis. Her poetry makes me feel whole and complete afterwards. I love Shery’s wisdom.
  4. Bipolar-Reb – This blog is written by a young gentleman who bipolar disorder. He writes openly about his illness and politics to share his stance with other readers. I love Tyler’s openness.
  5. The Other Side of Me – A blogger who blogs about her journey through some of her darkest moments in life, something, I, too, can relate. Ally I love the hope you have instilled throughout your blog posts.
  6. Just Plain Ol’ Vic – A blogger who blogs openly about his personal experiences. He connects with his readers in a comical yet understanding way. I really do love your humor.
  7. Nonsense & Shenanigans – A tremendous and courageous woman who blogs about her battle with mental illness and shares her personal experience with her readers. Tempest Rose, I love your dedication and passion.

Again, I thank you all for supporting Phoenix – The Rebirth of My Life and witness as I rise from the burning ashes of my mental illness.

My goal is to:

Raise mental illness awareness. Stop the stigma. Save a life.

Sending positive vibes your way,

Phoenix

Advertisements

Happiness at My Funeral.

August 9, 2014  8:47 AM

Enter two by two into my Great Grandfather’s Christian Cathedral.
Greet one another with a solemn tear and a hearty hug.
Point your nose upward toward the altar and greet me with a silhouette smile.
Sit and hold hands with my cohort to feel my everlasting presence pump through your living veins.
Listen to the immaculate words of the Priest as he presents the celebration of my life.
Hear the blithe story of my life and watch as I rebirth through song, laughter, and dance.
Reminisce on the fountain days of my youth and squeeze the palm of your neighbor’s hand to reassure them I am still with you.
Wipe the tears from your eyes to see the World clearer now than ever before.
Walk the Earth that appeared so cold and blue to me and turn the cold to shame;
Warm the grounds with your robust feet and whisper prosperity to the wind to comfort my lost soul.
The ones that cared the most for my imperfect mind, body, and soul will stay behind the mass
To find the courage and passion to comfort the ones who have fallen to their knees by my coffin.
Use your inner strength and happiness to raise them to their feet and wipe the tears flowing from their feeble eyes.
Face my coffin with them in your arms, close your eyes, and listen for my faint voice in the distance.
Hear my final declaration,

“You are loved by me.
Today, tomorrow, and forever.
Please do not cry.
I am still here
And will be with you
Right by your side
To witness your future endeavors.
I want happiness at my funeral.
Be happy despite the fact
I am not with you.
Go forth and do good.
I promise you will
Prosper and grow.”

Leave the Christian Cathedral arm in arm with someone new you have never met before.
Account for this persons well-being from now until infinity.
Greet and hug my family as you exit.
Exchange a condolence or two with my parents and address how much of an impact I had on your life
To reassure them it was not their fault for my wrongdoing.
Grab the petals of my life;
Let them go;
Watch as they mass together to form the rare completion of what used to be my broken heart.
I am at last happy and at peace.

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award!

I am honored and forever grateful to have been nominated for the  Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award by EtFoster at It’s Usually the Quiet Ones and Writer X at Thoughts from a spare room.

sisterhood-of-world-blogger-award1Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award recognizes women bloggers from all around the world. I like to view this award as an opportunity to acknowledge phenomenal women bloggers who blog about a variety of topics from feminism to mental illness to even their experiences and advice on love and romance.

If you wish to accept this award, the following guidelines are below. There is no pressure to accept the award. I find your blog welcoming, genuine and sisterly.

The steps for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award are as follows:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for the award! A warm, hearty, & standing ovation thank you to EtFoster and Writer X for recognizing the good in my blog and welcoming me into the sisterhood!
  • Add the Sisterhood of World Bloggers Award logo to your post and blog.
  • Answer 10 questions provided to you by the person who nominated you.
  • Provide 10 questions of your own for your nominees to answer.
  • Nominate 10 bloggers for the award and notify them.

Questions for me to answered by both EtFoster and Writer X.

  1. Favorite flavor of ice-cream? –Cake Batter
  2. If you could be a certain age again, which age would it be and why? – If I could be a certain age again it would be 12 because that was the last year I remember and felt like a normal child prior to entering middle school where my mental illnesses started to fester and grow and changed me life.
  3. Do you listen to classical music? – Now, I do not. Growing up I used to all time because I was in the band and choir and just loved and adore the technique and style in the music.
  4. Favorite animal, fictional or real? – Rabbits/bunnies
  5. Have you ever seen an opera or ballet? If so which? – I have not but it is on my bucket list to do and see. This is like my ideal date with someone one day.
  6. The one fad you never really got into? – Purse shopping. Wearing purses, not entirely my thing I like to be a free woman while walking places.
  7. What is your favorite post of yours?- A poem a wrote in honor of my late friend Emily a poem titled Walking in Her Shadow.
  8. What was your first job? –Working as a cashier and drive thru taker at Burger King.
  9. Cats or dogs? – Dogs
  10. What’s your hobby outside of blogging? – Baking and cooking pasta.

Questions for my Nominees to answer:

  1. What was your favorite food when you were a child?
  2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod or music device?
  3. What is one of your favorite quotes?
  4. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?
  5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing?
  6. What is your favorite form of exercise?
  7. What is your favorite month of the year?
  8. What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?
  9. What do you miss most about being a kid?
  10. What is your first memory of being really excited?

My Nominees:

The list below is no particular order. All of the blogs below are very inspiring and I hope they inspire you too. Please check them out and support their story!

  1. Living, Breathing, and Surviving , and Coping with Mental Illness
  2. bipolar2what
  3. My Psyche Reads
  4. Finding Your Inner Happiness
  5. Breaking the Silence
  6. So Illuminate Me
  7. Tough Momma Bear
  8. Journey in the Woods
  9.  Feministe Poetique
  10. Always we begin again…

Again, I thank you all, my brothers and sisters in the Blogging World for supporting Phoenix – The Rebirth of My Life and witness as I rise from the burning ashes of my mental illness.

My goal is to:

Raise mental illness awareness. Stop the stigma. Save a life.

Sending positive vibes your way,

Phoenix

Today, I Overdosed.

August 2nd, 2014  8:09 PM

Today, I overdosed;
Made the courageous righteous decision to die
Of laughter, pain, fear, and sorrow.

Today, I overdosed;
As I watched the love of my life
Walk out and abandoned me on the front steps for another woman;
For someone more “appealing”, “long-standing”, “sensible”, and “happier” than I am.
There I was,
Out on a short limb stranded alone to die.
So I cried;
A tear for each friend I miraculously used my two bloody hands to push away;
A tear for the vigorous hearts I stepped upon and broke perfectly into two whole pieces.

Today, I overdosed;
As I tried to use my two feeble hands to pull the 6 inch knife out from my brawny back.
The knife you used to stab me in the back.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I was locked in a white room strapped to a musty hospital bed for 8 whole days with no one there to hold my hand.
I laid there for 8 whole days waiting patiently to hear that I’ve received a phone call from a loved one saying, “I love you”.
But, no.
I lifelessly hopelessly laid there.

Today, I overdosed;
Because my own flesh and blood want nothing more to do with me;
They cannot stand the naked sight of being related to
A maniac.
A psychotic, crazy Homo Sapien like me.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I slit my wrist 12 times for the pain each person has caused me in the last 12 hours.
I stained my warm blood on the cold ice presented to me.
There I sat and watched my contagious acute blood melt the living life out of something so glossy, solid, and frozen.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I was told
I am like a broken toy that cannot be fixed.
I am not worth replacing batteries for;
I am not worth another cent from a loved one’s wealthy pocket.

Today, I overdosed;
I received a call from my local bank saying I have $5.18 to my Golden name.
I am homeless.
I have no green cash to spend on clothes, food, or water.
Nobody wants to let this lost soul in
So, I decided to overdose.

Today, I overdosed;
I failed to call for help during
My manic, hypo-manic, depressive episode.
I tried to call, but there was no number to dial.
So, I decided to overdose.

Today, I overdosed;
Because I pulled the last straw of hope
From a gigantic bundle presented to me
After my most recent discharge from the hospital.
It split in half and fell nonchalantly to the rocky ground.
My hope is gone.
So, I decided to overdose.

I have found my inner happiness
And it is not to be here
Walking through the valley of this shallow Earth.

I have found my joy
And it is not to be here
Singing my painful song to an ignorant sea of sane adults.

I have found my peace
And it is not to be here;
But, it lies 10 feet above my tombstone
Beyond the depths of the bright Northern star.

Today, I overdosed;
To say goodbye to what could have been a happier tomorrow.


The events presented and illustrated above are true experiences of mine. Not all of them are situations I have experienced but I have witnessed and felt. I wrote this for others, like myself, who can relate to the pain, thoughts, feelings and uncontrollable behaviors of various mental illnesses during different episodes. Please, seek help if this post has triggered any sensitive sensors in your life or call the suicide prevention hotline number, 1-800-273-8255.

Take Me Back.

August 1st, 2014  4:02 PM

Take me back,
And let me fall to eternity in your brawny tan arms.
Smile a mile,
And let me chase you into the mid-evening sunset.
Kiss my scars,
And tell me I am beautiful inside and out.
Forgive me,
For the several transient mistakes I made during our long-ago relationship.
Help me,
Acknowledge and recognize our past;
Run with me to get over the approaching hurdles.
Hug me,
To reassure me that my lonesome days are over;
And that you will be there to help me weather the storm.
Call my name,
So I can hear your alluring voice calm my trembling waters.
Sing to me,
The lyrics of our future so I have something to hum about during my darkest moments.
Hold my hand,
And squeeze your courageous spirit into mine.
Touch me,
Check my bubbly pulse and liquidate my chills.
Caress my lifeless body,
And transfer your warmth, love, and seductive soul
To sync our heartbeats to become one.
Take me back,
And tell me that everything is going to be alright;
And that I, too, deserve a happy life with you.